Posts Tagged "funny"
Nonna Maria – Davie! DAVIE!!
Wondering what’s wrong with David? We’d love to hear what you think might’ve happened.
E-mail us your guesses here.
The best answer will get a little something.
Female Toe Transplants
I get a lot of stupid Skype spammers who want to be my friend. I reply to all of them, today, one of them replied back. Here’s the resulting conversation.
[6:02:35 PM] portiatee: hello hw are u doing
[6:03:06 PM] Anthony Imperioli: fucking awesome ytou?
[6:03:32 PM] portiatee: what…………………./
[6:03:48 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i said i’m awesome, and you?
[6:04:48 PM] portiatee: am portia from Ghana
[6:04:59 PM] Anthony Imperioli: you’re a real person?
[6:05:23 PM] portiatee: wht do u mean
[6:05:33 PM] portiatee: can a gost type
[6:06:09 PM] Anthony Imperioli: hahahah
[6:06:13 PM] Anthony Imperioli: man, you’re funny
[6:06:23 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i think i like you
[6:06:37 PM] portiatee: ok thank u
[6:07:29 PM] Anthony Imperioli: how did you find me?
[6:08:10 PM] portiatee: i was searching for people and i came abt to find u
[6:08:34 PM] Anthony Imperioli: how come you messaged me? want to be friends?
[6:08:53 PM] portiatee: yup
[6:10:03 PM] Anthony Imperioli: awesome!!!! are you a guy girl? how old are you?!?
[6:10:22 PM] portiatee: am a girl 19
[6:11:07 PM] Anthony Imperioli: wwwwhhoaa!! girls!! i like girls!!
[6:11:22 PM] portiatee: ok
[6:11:35 PM] portiatee: nice to meet u
[6:11:39 PM] Anthony Imperioli: nice to meet you toooo
[6:11:44 PM] portiatee: where do u com,e from
[6:11:51 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’m from canada
[6:12:00 PM] portiatee: ok
[6:12:17 PM] portiatee: what don u do for living
[6:12:42 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i own my own business as well as have a clothing line
[6:12:48 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i also produce films and videos
[6:13:05 PM] portiatee: ok am a student plz
[6:13:11 PM] portiatee: Hello! Please add me to your Contact list.
[6:13:51 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i don’t know you well enough
[6:14:06 PM] Anthony Imperioli: where you from?
[6:14:20 PM] portiatee: i will descbrie myself to ok plz
[6:15:18 PM] portiatee: am portiatee as my nick name
[6:15:22 PM] portiatee: am from ghana
[6:15:38 PM] portiatee: we were born 4 from our parents
[6:15:48 PM] portiatee: 2 boys and 2 girls
[6:16:14 PM] portiatee: but unfortunately for me my father died long ago
[6:16:25 PM] portiatee: and my mum is in the village
[6:17:04 PM] portiatee: as at now \m, staing with my uncle but he does not like me at all
[6:17:17 PM] portiatee: since he dont like paying my fees
[6:17:56 PM] Anthony Imperioli: you need money?
[6:18:47 PM] portiatee: if u give me i will collect since i need it to pay my fes pl
[6:19:10 PM] Anthony Imperioli: well, money is not an issue for me, as you see i’m extremely rich
[6:19:23 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i don’t mind donating at all… but… i have to ask a favor
[6:19:27 PM] portiatee: ok plz
[6:19:43 PM] Anthony Imperioli: can we keep this between us?
[6:19:52 PM] portiatee: yes plz
[6:20:59 PM] Anthony Imperioli: see, you’re an attractive young lady, right, and i’m an attractive rich entrepreneur that has lots of money… but i never have time to settle down and do the things that I want to do cause I’m always so busy buying things with the large amounts of money i have…
[6:23:17 PM] portiatee: ok so as we are now together when will u get me some amout of money so tht i use for myself since i have no money plz
[6:24:36 PM] Anthony Imperioli: no no
[6:24:40 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i dont want to get together with you
[6:25:02 PM] portiatee: why dont you like me plz
[6:25:08 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i have too many women in my life
[6:25:12 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i have to ask you something else
[6:25:28 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’ll give you $1,000,000 if you do this for me
[6:25:38 PM] portiatee: ok plz
[6:25:43 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i really really really LOVE women’s feet
[6:25:53 PM] Anthony Imperioli: especially toes
[6:26:47 PM] portiatee: i will do but hw do u get it plz
[6:27:24 PM] portiatee: so that i give u
[6:27:43 PM] Anthony Imperioli: okay, i love women’s toes so much… i… want to get toes transplanted on my feet
[6:28:04 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’ll give you $1,000,000 per toe, if you donate your toes to me
[6:28:11 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i can give you mine after, so you won’t be toeless
[6:28:21 PM] portiatee: i will
[6:28:29 PM] Anthony Imperioli: you’ll give me your toes?!?
[6:28:31 PM] Anthony Imperioli: really?!?!
[6:28:34 PM] Anthony Imperioli: how many of them?!?!
[6:28:38 PM] portiatee: yes
[6:28:49 PM] Anthony Imperioli: How many of your toes will you give me?
[6:28:59 PM] portiatee: two
[6:29:04 PM] Anthony Imperioli: 2?!?!?
[6:29:06 PM] Anthony Imperioli: amazing!!!
[6:29:14 PM] Anthony Imperioli: okay, that’s 2 million dollars!!!
[6:29:19 PM] Anthony Imperioli: which toes?!? the big toe?!?
[6:29:22 PM] portiatee: ok
[6:29:24 PM] Anthony Imperioli: on both sides?
[6:29:34 PM] portiatee: yes
[6:29:40 PM] Anthony Imperioli: okay, two big toes!!
[6:30:01 PM] portiatee: am ready to give to u but hw do get them
[6:30:11 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’ll take care of that
[6:30:27 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i own an organ distribution company that distributes organs and limbs overseas
[6:30:41 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’m so excited!! my dream is coming true!!!
[6:31:11 PM] portiatee: ok do u want me to cut and send to u or what………………?
[6:31:34 PM] Anthony Imperioli: yes
[6:31:38 PM] Anthony Imperioli: whats your address?
[6:32:58 PM] portiatee: BOAKYE MICHAEL KWABENA SUNYANI SENIOR HIGH P.O BOX 156 SUNYANI GHANA
[6:33:08 PM] Anthony Imperioli: Okay
[6:33:12 PM] Anthony Imperioli: excellent
[6:33:18 PM] portiatee: OK
[6:33:20 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’ll send a surgeon over there immediately to cut off your toes
[6:33:36 PM] Anthony Imperioli: once i have confirmation your toes are dismembered, i’ll send the 2 million
[6:34:23 PM] portiatee: SEND B4 COS IT IS NOT EASY A FRIEND CHEATED ME AND I DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN
[6:34:38 PM] *** Missed call from portiatee. ***
[6:35:04 PM] *** Call ended ***
[6:35:35 PM] Anthony Imperioli: dont call me
[6:35:40 PM] portiatee: OK
[6:35:46 PM] Anthony Imperioli: there’s people in the room and i dont want them to hear what i’m talking about
[6:36:20 PM] portiatee: ok then send tomorow
[6:36:26 PM] Anthony Imperioli: you know what… i’ll cut off my toes first
[6:36:29 PM] Anthony Imperioli: to show that i’m serious
[6:36:52 PM] portiatee: no no send the money
[6:37:01 PM] Anthony Imperioli: no, i’m committed to this
[6:37:10 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i’ll cut off my toes, send my toes AND the money together
[6:37:18 PM] portiatee: u are not serious ok
[6:37:25 PM] portiatee: i dont want that plz
[6:37:39 PM] portiatee: this is a deal ok
[6:37:43 PM] Anthony Imperioli: it’s ok, i have professional surgeons
[6:38:02 PM] Anthony Imperioli: you’ll have my toes and the money and my surgeons will replace your toes with my toes and send me your toes
[6:38:10 PM] Anthony Imperioli: so i can finally have the female toes i’ve been dreaming about
[6:38:16 PM] portiatee: there are so many in ghana here so dont worry urself
[6:38:24 PM] Anthony Imperioli: so many what?
[6:38:28 PM] portiatee: urs is to send the money
[6:38:52 PM] portiatee: and give ur address i will post them to u ok
[6:39:13 PM] Anthony Imperioli: okay, so you want money, but you don’t want to give me your toes?
[6:39:30 PM] portiatee: yes send the money
[6:39:39 PM] Anthony Imperioli: okay… let’s make ANOTHER deal then
[6:39:46 PM] portiatee: ok
[6:39:53 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i really really really love goats
[6:39:58 PM] Anthony Imperioli: i love female goats
[6:40:00 PM] Anthony Imperioli: so much
[6:40:10 PM] Anthony Imperioli: can you, stick your foot in a goat’s vagina, take a picture, send it to me, and the $2 million is YOURS!!
[6:41:23 PM] Anthony Imperioli: HELLLO?!?!?!
[6:45:46 PM] Anthony Imperioli: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOO?!?!?
Read MoreNonna Maria Mettere La Giacca!! (Put on your Jacket!!)
and here’s a little extra bonus for the fans:
More TWITDrawings! YAY!!!
Hey. I’m getting into this fun little groove where I draw pictures for my Twitter friends! It’s really fun and I hope they enjoy the drawings as much as I enjoy drawing them!!!
Remember – click to BIGIFY!
This twitdrawing was drawn for @AnitaKnight – surely we can all relate to those annoying CATCHPAs (those weird letters and numbers you have to enter every time you post too many comments on YouTube) – I think I once ran into a CATCHPA that threatened to kill my dog if I didn’t get it right.
So, me and @sarah_crisman from Hypeworthy decided to start the first ever Twitter indie band. Introducing, The Tweepies.
More TWITdrawings to come!! You can be next if you’re follwing me on Twitter!!
Read MoreFollow Me
