Welcome to a new segment on my blog where I try to make sense of the things that are truly fucked up in life. Welcome to: You Know What’s Fucked Up?
On the first episode of YKWFU?, we’ll look at pyramids: those tall triangular mother fuckers that are all over the world. Now, seriously, what the FUCK is a pyramid? I mean, I know it’s erected as a shrine or a monument to praise emperors and men that were deemed gods but COME ON! These fuckers are HUUGGEE and they were built thousands of years before any lightbulb, gas-powered vehicle, power tool, crane, construction equipment, or construction hat was invented. Pyramids are officially FUCKED UP. Seriously.
They’re full of hallways and rooms and other shit that I don’t understand. I haven’t seen a pyramid in real life, yet, but there’s a reason they’re one of the WONDERS of the world. They shouldn’t be called the 7 Wonders of the World but rather the 7 Things on this Planet That Blow the Ever-Living Shit Out of my Mind. Thinking about anything long enough makes it weird and mysterious…
Some fucked up things about pyramids:
1. THEY’RE HUGE!
2. They were built thousands of years ago.
3. My friend Mike (@mikeyfil) says that they used to use mercury to preserve the tombstones in the pyramids cause they thought mercury was a God-given metal. I don’t know how accurate Mike’s information is, but that is FUCKED UP.
4. SLAVES built them. SLAVES! Like seriously, back in these ancient times you could OWN PEOPLE and probably trade your donkey for them.
5. They have a lot of tunnels and stuff in them, some of which probably have cool booby traps and heads on stakes.
6. Probably one of these pyramids has a gigantic boulder that’ll chase you down a long hallway after you steal one of it’s treasures.